What Olympic athlete are you most like
It's so much fun it was described to me as "better than your porn name"
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-19050139
Lets explode a big egg, YEAH
Google Street view Ascii style
it's a bit like the matrix or should I say dot matrix
http://tllabs.io/asciistreetview/
try not to smile or laugh when a baby does, go on I dare you
and if you didn't laugh you get, nothing, which is exactly what you deserve you miserable git.
CHEEKY GAME
can you last 60 seconds
http://www.yanmania.com/games/sixty_second_search/
Scottish Sheep Farmer
A Scotsman buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool.
After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and phones a vet for help.
The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination.
The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant.
The vet tells him that they will stop standing around, and instead will lie down, and wallow in the grass, when they are pregnant.
The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep himself.
So, he loads the sheep into his Land Rover, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back, then goes to bed.
Next morning,he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he deduces that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the Land Rover again.
He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for goodmeasure, brings them back, and goes to bed exhausted.
Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standingaround.
"Try again." he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up, and drive them out to the woods.
He spends all day shagging the sheep, and upon returning home, falls knackered into bed.
The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look out of the window.
He asks his wife to look, and tell him if the sheep are lying in the grass.
"No,"she says, "They're all in the Land Rover, and one of them is beeping the horn
Harry Hill: BBC Three is "the biggest wind-up"
http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/7950382/Mediawatch
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'Just in time for the Olympics, Scottish firm Brewdog has unveiled its very own 'performance-enhancing ale' named Never Mind the Anabolics. The award-winning brewers will officially launch the 6.5% India Pale Ale on Saturday in opposition to the 'shallow corporate sponsorship' of the Games. Containing an array of banned Olympic substances, the limited edition beer will be available on draught at all Brewdog pubs and also sold in bottle online.
'BrewDog has today unveiled a limited edition beer it hopes will undermine global sponsorship deals for this summer's games, called Never Mind the Anabolics,' the brewer said in a statement. 'Designed to 'unmask the corporate beast' of the world's biggest sporting event and highlight the shallow nature of sponsorship, the new beer contains creatine, guarana, lycii berries, kola nut, Gingko, matcha tea, maca powder and steroids - all of which are banned for professional athletes' - Metro.
You Have to Watch U.S. Gymnast Aly Raisman’s Hilarious Parents React to Her Bar Routine
http://gawker.com/5930003/you-have-to-watch-us-gymnast-aly-raismans-hilarious-parents-react-to-her-bar-routine?utm_campaign=socialflow_gawker_twitter&utm_source=gawker_twitter&utm_medium=socialflow
Farmer tramples seven police cars in tractor rampage after drug arrest
An irate farmer trampled seven police cars with his tractor in a revenge attack on authorities following a previous arrest for drug possession.
Seven police cars were destroyed by the tractor (Picture: Vermont State Police)Read more: http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/907298-farmer-tramples-seven-police-cars-in-tractor-rampage-after-drug-arrest#ixzz22UoTAg3u
Mcglashan Absolutely
Classic comedy from the 90's I think
http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/7959565/Mediawatch
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'They normally deal with some of the grottiest aspects of human life. But bin men have had their meal times disturbed after someone heated human excrement in a microwave oven. The soiled machine was targeted in a communal kitchen in Brighton and Hove City Council 's Hollingdean depot. Bosses have said they are taking the matter "very seriously" and are urging their refuse and recycling workers to help them catch the culprit. But staff at the depot are still bemused by the incident and are referring to it as "Workforce Update 28" - the council's vague title for what happened' - The Argus.
http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/7954673/Mediawatch
Non-Football Headline Of The Day
'Bizarre email scam involves horse, lard and sex toy death' - The Irish Examiner.
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'Talk about a getting a woolly reception. Shocked commuters couldn't believe their eyes when a man tried to board a rush-hour train with his pet sheep in tow. But the mystery traveller was stopped from riding when a guard reminded him that livestock can not travel on public transport. The man then tried to pull the wool over the eyes of a bus driver by trying to catch a ride. Again he was booted off and was heard bleating: 'I'll have to walk home.' Passengers posted pictures of the man and his sheep on Twitter as they tried to board a train in Wimbledon, south London.
'The pair were later photographed 6.5km (four miles) away in New Malden where they tried to catch a bus to Kingston-upon-Thames on Monday. Commuter Adrian Harris spoke to the grey-haired man and said: 'He didn't think it was odd having a sheep with him. He was annoyed he couldn't get on public transport to take him home.' Naomi Mary Smith, who took photos of the man at a bus stop, added: 'This is unbelievable.' National Rail and London United bus service said livestock - including pigs, sheep and goats - can not ride on trains or buses' - Metro.
FROM THE AMAZING B3ta - http://b3ta.com
: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Burning in Hell
Last week we asked you to confess the reason
you'd burn in hell when the last trump called.
A surprising number of these involve Down's
Syndrome:
http://b3ta.com/questions/
* F.A.B. - "I decided to have a 15-minute break
from work, after dealing with some complaints,
to get some fresh air. As I was milling about
in the car park, one of the local
automated-wheelchair driving women pulled up in
her modded people carrier. She parks not too
far from me, presses a few buttons and her car
starts to slide open, revealing a side-lift.
She rolls on, presses another button and slowly
begins her descent. Nowt really funny about
this tbh... until another worker passed by. His
mobile went off. And played, as loud as you
like, the fucking Thunderbirds theme tune. I
nearly asphyxiated. She wasn't impressed."
(Jeccius)
* FINGER - "The sun was blazing off the
windscreens of passing cars, the sky was clear,
it was a good day to be driving on our fair
nation's motorways. Ahead of me was a coach,
the kind used to ferry airport-goers and the
elderly, in the middle lane. As I came to
overtake, I saw a fairly familiar sight: a
bunch of school kids leering out the back
window, exercising their wrists in a manner
designed to imply that I was a wanker. I'm an
easy-going, devil- may-care kind of guy, but
that glorious day I was having none of it. So,
as I approached I extended my left arm, keeping
my eyes of the road of course, and delivered a
steady and determined middle finger that Johnny
Cash would have been proud of. As I passed, I
glanced upward at its steamed windows, to see a
group of smiling children with Down's waving
excitedly at me... My attempt to morph my bird
into a reciprocated wave was the epitome of
patheticness. Funny how wrong you can be with
the sun in your eyes." (Jimtastic)
* IKEA - "I once ordered a lemonade at a cafe
in an IKEA. They gave me the cup at the
check-out to serve myself from the dispenser. I
put in some ice and filled my plastic 500ml cup
with soft drink mix. Unfortunately, I filled it
too close to the brim for easy transportation.
I took a couple of refreshing sips to lower the
level in the cup. At this point I could have
just walked away. Some nights I lie in bed
racked with remorse asking again and again:
'Why? Why didn't I just walk away?' But a
horrible plan had formed, driven by all-
consuming greed. I didn't care who I destroyed,
how many laws I broke. I checked the ladies at
the register. Busy. I looked up. No CCTV. My
heart pounding, I returned and TOPPED UP MY
DRINK AGAIN WITH MORE LEMONADE THAN I HAD PAID
FOR. Exiting rather too quickly I spilled a
little, probably losing more than I had
illegally gained. Even in my car I wasn't safe
until at least a few miles away. The drinks
holder was too small for the cup, so I drank
the whole thing too quickly to really enjoy it.
It's a crime I've had to live with for the rest
of my days. I never went back to that IKEA
again. I can't; the risk is too great. I'd
gambled and won, but if they recognised me, I
could lose everything." (cumquat may)
see more This is Photobomb
Woman's topless fight for equality
A New York woman who spends her days walking around the city topless says she's fighting for equality.
Moira Johnston, 29, a topless dancer from Philadelphia, says she is exercising her legal right to take off her shirt.
She became a bare breast activist after she was banned from a yoga studio after going topless in class, something men were freely doing.
Since May, she has been seen strolling around the city's East Village topless to remind women that, under New York law, they have the right to bare their chests, just like men.
Ms Johnston says many people are unaware of that right - including the New York Police Department, which arrested her in May. She was later released without charge.
"I want women to know their rights and to give them the courage to go topless too," she told The Daily Beast.
"It's not that I want everyone to take off their shirt, but I'm supporting a woman's choice to do it and think every woman should do it on her own terms."
Fun with Shadows from photobomb
see more This is Photobomb
Reading 50 shades so you don't have to
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