LOVEJOY FACE PUNCH, baby called Hashtag and woman tried to kill man using her breasts

http://cheezburger.com/6721941504

http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/8295570/Mediawatch
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'A mother has been criticised after naming her newborn baby daughter Hashtag. She announced the name, after the Twitter symbol, with a photo and post on Facebook, reports The Sun. It said: "Hashtag Jameson was born at 10oclock last night. She weys 8pounds and I luv her so much!!!!" Hashtags are words or phrases preceded by a # symbol, used on Twitter to identify a subject. But the name soon attracted its own Twitter hashtags, including #TerribleParenting, #FoolishParents, #YourParentsHateYou and #StupidestNameEver. One user wrote: "That child is going to need serious therapy." Another tweeted: "This is horrible and cruel." Last year Israelis Lior and Vardit Adler called their daughter Like, after the approval button on Facebook' - Orange.

always worth another read

http://www.wsc.co.uk/the-archive/42-Media/145-no-love-no-joy

No love, no joy

Watch someone punch lovejoy in the face, YEAH

http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/8245941/Mediawatch
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'An 11-year-old boy was punched and sprayed with 'silly string' by a gang of teenagers - who were trying to steal an owl. The bird had been taken by the boy and his friend to be displayed at an event just off Morecambe Promenade last Saturday. But it is thought that they were turned away by organisers because the bird had not been vaccinated. The pair were walking along Euston Road between 3pm and 4pm when they were approached by the gang of around 10 teenagers outside Pound Fever.

'One of the gang said "Give me your owl," and adopted a boxing pose. With an outstretched arm he then sprayed both boys with the silly string while shouting abuse. The shocked 11-year-old boy, who is from Morecambe, threw his drink at the teen before taking the owl from his friend. He was then twice punched to the side of the head as he and his friend fled in separate directions. The teenagers gave chase but both victims escaped, with the 11-year-old fleeing through the Arndale Centre while carrying the owl' - The Lancaster Guardian.

http://cheezburger.com/6692947968

http://www.lancasterguardian.co.uk/news/lancaster-and-district-news/silly-string-attack-on-boy-carrying-owl-1-5060515
Silly string attack on boy carrying owl

An 11-year-old boy was punched and sprayed with ‘silly string’ by a gang of teenagers – who were trying to steal an owl.

The bird had been taken by the boy and his friend to be displayed at an event just off Morecambe Promenade last Saturday.

But it is thought that they were turned away by organisers because the bird had not been vaccinated.

The pair were walking along Euston Road between 3pm and 4pm when they were approached by the gang of around 10 teenagers outside Pound Fever.

One of the gang said “Give me your owl,” and adopted a boxing pose.

With an outstretched arm he then sprayed both boys with the silly string while shouting abuse.

The shocked 11-year-old boy, who is from Morecambe, threw his drink at the teen before taking the owl from his friend. He was then twice punched to the side of the head as he and his friend fled in separate directions.

The teenagers gave chase but both victims escaped, with the 11-year-old fleeing through the Arndale Centre while carrying the owl.

PC Ben Hanley said: “This is a really odd incident.

“The boy was not seriously hurt but he was punched twice and has been left with swollen cheekbones on either side of his face which could leave him with black eyes. He quite shaken up.

“This is an unusual incident which has occurred in broad daylight in the middle of the afternoon so I would appeal to anybody that witnessed it or with any information about those responsible to come forward.”

Call Lancashire Police on 101 quoting crime reference BB1203964.

http://cheezburger.com/6707975424

http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/8249575/Mediawatch

Non-Football (Penis) Story Of The Day

'His "coconut sized" genitalia was just the beginning. A man was admitted to a Bangkok hospital after an unlicensed olive oil injection meant to enlarge his penis caused an infection so horrible his testicles swelled to the size of the medium size fruit, the Bangkok Post reports. Six months ago, the 50 -year-old man, who is unnamed in reports, reportedly suffered a cut to his penis, but he refused to go the doctor until it became infected. When he finally went to the hospital, doctors discovered the man had cancer that required his penis to be amputated, the Post reported' - Huffington Post.

http://cheezburger.com/6766787584

Killer Karaoke

http://allthingsd.com/20121123/viral-video-signs-the-world-might-be-ending-part-1-killer-karaoke

http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/8273786/Mediawatch

Non-Football Story Of The Day
'A busty woman is accused of trying to kill her boyfriend by suffocating him with her double-D breasts. Franziska Hansen, 33, is reportedly charged with "attempted murder with a weapon" after her lawyer boyfriend claimed she tried to smother him while pretending it was a sex game. Nine-stone Franziska, from Germany, denies the allegations, saying it was a sex game and he knew what it was about, according to the Daily Mail. But boyfriend Tim Schmidt claims she admitted trying to kill him on the phone, saying she smothered him because she "wanted to make your death as pleasurable as possible".

'He told a court in Germany that the couple had been having sex in May this year when Ms Hansen suddenly grabbed his head and pushed it between her breasts with all her force. He is quoted as saying: "I couldn't breathe any more, I must have turned blue. I couldn't tear myself free and I thought I was going to die." Mr Schmidt, who weighs 13 stone, claims he managed to wriggle free and fled naked to a neighbour, who raised the alarm. He told the court that the couple's four-year relationship had been strained after they moved to the town of Unna, where his career as a lawyer took off and she struggled to hold a job. Mr Schmidt said his girlfriend tried to kill him after she discovered he was planning to leave her. He reportedly told the court: "It is clear she wanted to kill me. She even admitted it to me on the telephone. I asked her why she wanted to smother me to death with her breasts and she told me: 'Treasure - I wanted your death to be as pleasurable as possible'" - The Daily Mirror.

Non-Football Caption Of The Day
The Mirror illustrated said story on their website with a picture of a quite vast cleavage, which they captioned:

'Suffocating: Franziska Hansen (not pictured) is accused of attempting to kill her boyfriend with her breasts.'

http://cheezburger.com/6792309504

http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/8285444/Mediawatch

Non-Football Headline Of The Day

'Woman arrested after 'joyriding manatee in Florida' - Metro.

Non-Football Story Of The Day
'Sales of garlic are booming in western Serbia after the local council issued a public health warning that a vampire was on the loose. The warning came after an old ruined mill, said to once have been the home of notorious vampire Sava Savanovic, collapsed. Savanovic was said to have lived in the old watermill on the Rogacica river, at Zarozje village in the municipality of Bajina Basta where he drank the blood of anybody that came to mill their grain. The watermill was bought by the local Jagodic family, and they were too scared to use it as a mill - but discovered it was a goldmine when they started advertising it to tourists. But the family were worried about carrying out building work on the mill because they were scared they might disturb the vampire or unleash his wrath if his home was messed around with - and now the property has collapsed through lack of repair. But for locals it has sparked rumours that the vampire is now free once again' - Orange.

http://allaboutlemon.com/2012/03/19/two-clever-nuns-this-is-brilliant-just-another-manic-monday/
There were two nuns

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM),

and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent. 

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past 38 ½ minutes? I wonder what he wants. 

SL: It’s logical. He wants to violate us. 

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do? 

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

A little while later...

SM: It’s not working. 

SL: Of course it’s not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too. 

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in 1 minute. 

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I’ll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical. 

Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened toSister Logical.

Then Sister Logical arrives. 

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened! 

SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn’t follow us both, so he followed me 

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then? 

SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could. 

SM: And? 

SL : The only logical thing happened. He reached me. 

SM : Oh, dear! What did you do? 

SL : The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up. 

SM : Oh, Sister! What did the man do? 

SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants. 

SM: Oh, no! What happened then? 

SL : Isn’t it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down.

And for those of you who thought it would be dirty…………………

Say two Hail Marys! hehehehe

having drinks with the attractive sex, goal keeping toilet, hedgehog's dance with death

http://gizmodo.com/5958854/how-a-reddit-rage-comic-saved-a-mans-life

PREGNANCY TEST ALERTED TESTY CANCER!!!!

breaking news from the BBC

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-somerset-20151566

Hedgehog trapped in crisp packet in Weston-super-Mare

The hedgehog will now be looked after by the centre

A baby hedgehog which found itself stuck in a crisp packet has been released after a three-and-a-half hour rescue involving six people.

The animal became trapped after it crawled into the empty wrapper in a railed off area near steps in Weston-super-Mare.

A shopkeeper heard rustling and saw the hedgehog - now named Crispin - stick his nose out.

Workers had to cut through the railings and help rescuers reach the hedgehog.

Jules Bishop, from Prickles Hedgehog Rescue, said Crispin crawled into the area as he was attracted to the warmth of the packet and the smell.

"He's thriving now and will be here all winter as he's so tiny," she said.

"I want to thank all the people involved because obviously without their commitment and dedication this little hog would have had no way to survive.

"He was very, very cold and dehydrated when I emptied him out of the crisp packet."

http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/8217071/Mediawatch

Non-Football Vagina Tombstone Story Of The Day
'A Serbian widower is making news after having his late wife's vagina engraved on her headstone. Milan Marinkovic says it was his wife's dying wish that he never look at the private areas of another woman, according to the Examiner. Before she passed away, Milena Marinkovic left detailed instructions on how she wanted her final wishes to be carried out. She explicitly described to her husband that she wanted him give photographs she had taken of her vagina to a hired sculptor so that an exact replica can be on her headstone, according to TheFrisky. "The problem wasn''t finding the money, but finding an artist who would do it. Most of them said it was blasphemy. Now it's finished I love it and it's a really good likeness. And this way, a part of her will always be with me,"" said the 72-year-old widower' - KTLA.com. It was from last week, but it's still funny.

New Ipswich boss, likes one in the hole

Amusing, a site where ladies post texts they have received from blokes and wondering if womankind can help them to conclude if he likes her, isn't into her or it's still up for grabs.

http://hetexted.com/

http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/8204705/Mediawatch
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'The difference between life and death for Brittany Taltos was a soft patch of dirt. Taltos, a 23-year-old UF alumna featured on "Jersey Shore," was sunbathing in her front yard Sunday afternoon when her friend reversed his pickup truck into the yard and partially ran over her head. Taltos said she was asleep in front of her house, located on the 300 block of Northwest 14th Street, before the truck backed into her.

"I woke up with half a tire in my face," she said. The tire trapped Taltos by her hair, pinning her to the ground, while the pressure on her head caused her ears to bleed. "I thought I was going to die," she said. When Taltos screamed for help, the driver moved his truck forward and helped her with the bleeding. Taltos' roommate, Diego Cabrera, 21, called 911. An ambulance rushed Taltos, who was still conscious, to Shands at UF for treatment, according to a Gainesville Fire Rescue news release. At the hospital, doctors used an X-ray to scan her head and found no signs of brain or skull damage. "They told me 'You basically dodged a bullet,'" she said' - Alligator.org.

B3tatastic videos

watch the original speed here http://youtu.be/gnagemulucw

007 challenge

Classic Rock done Classicly

http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/8231607/Mediawatch
Non-Football Headline Of The Day
'Disabled grandmother attacked by ferret - 'predator' bit while she rode scooter' - The Nottingham Post.

Sly TV Executives Of The Day
'Countdown host Rachel Riley has had a dressing down over her wardrobe, insiders say. Channel 4 bosses are said to have told the maths wizard she must clear all her outfits in advance with them. They have demanded she send them pictures of anything she plans to wear' - The Daily Record. Oh Channel 4 bosses, you cheeky old horn-dogs.

Non-Football Story Of The Day
'A US mum was fined $2,500 after her three-year-old son urinated outside - in his own front yard. A police officer saw Dillan Warden pull down his pants and issued the ticket, which will cost the family the equivalent of £1,560. Ashley Warden, the little boy's mother, said he was being potty trained but answered the call of nature outside as he wasn't near a toilet. Mrs Warden, of Piedmont, Oklahoma, said: "Dillan pulled down his pants to pee outside... and the cop pulled up and asked for my license and told me he was going to give me a ticket for public urination."

'Grandmother Jennifer Warden added: "I said: 'Really? He is three years old', and he said: 'It doesn't matter. It is public urination.' I said: 'We are on our property', and he said: 'It's in public view'." The family, which lives on two-and-a-half acres of land, have complained that the officer which issued the ticket parks at the end of their street daily. They hope a judge will throw out the case when it comes before a court next month' - Orange.
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBXEnH2UQ2GeRI45mMQxN9LQv_UHT1PaNeByuKTt8kfVDvzIkM6u7Yj_JW9cMcyTSiKtHsXg7q-rF4zrXMPzxYYBNhAMk-88ZHhGFQBO6RznSkhF_fg46GcuQqidYaEvHD-deA8d18dSiD/s1600/lloyd.jpg

https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzF7feb2Ua5P-b-J3UYts6rWc3UhTz9IDyt4ZbNJaP5fdPSwE17sVrzwFqXCLbbcyVqScbJUeG5qAx2wxw6byd_MWzWPbkTrlvXZ06MIyPbrYoC-xxMkt21OSaFlSYxV2K_4wFknIkPMhi/s1600/balding.jpg

http://cheezburger.com/6687205120

GET BACK TO YOUR ROOTS

http://cheezburger.com/6724993536

Japan invents goalkeeping toilet

http://web.orange.co.uk/article/quirkies/Japan_invents_goalkeeping_toilet

• 

Two Japanese firms have teamed up to create a toilet that doubles up as a goalkeeper.

The Super Great Toiler Keeper showed off its prowess by saving penalties from Japanese star striker Tatsuhiko 'Dragon' Kubo.

It uses motion-detecting cameras to calculate the flight of the ball, pivot on its axis, and fire a small ball from the bowl to parry the incoming soccer ball.

The bizarre invention is the unlikely result of two Japanese companies with similar names and vastly different products, joining forces.

Toilet maker Toto and sports lottery agent Toto pitched their collaboration as an environmentally friendly project.

Six Tips for Avoiding an Office Affair

http://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20121029153750-6526187-six-tips-for-avoiding-an-office-affair

Why do you need six tips, surely you need only one tip

1.  Don't shag anyone at work

And who the hell this person who goes around giving tips on how not to have affairs at work.  What a useless waste of time.  

I think this person would easily avoid affairs at work because she sounds like a huge fun sponge

lets listen to her tips

1. Never take a first step in flirtation, even in jest.

2. Never have more than one drink with people from work.

3. Never allow yourself to have a “special friend” of the attractive sex(sometimes called a “work spouse”) to whom you turn for particular support.

4. Unless it’s an unmistakably professional context, don’t meet alone with a colleague or client of the attractive sex. When a client calls with tickets for the baseball game, don’t go in a twosome.

Here are two additional tips:

5. Imagine your spouse/partner as audience – cc’d on the email, walking suddenly into the conference room. If you’d feel uncomfortable in that situation, you’ve crossed some line.

6. If you develop a close relationship with someone, get to know his or her family.

People sometimes assume that it’s straightforward to decide, “I'd never have an affair” – that it’s just a matter of good character and solid values. But temptation can sometimes arise over a very long period of time, and not look the way we expect. Gradually, slowly, a relationship’s nature changes. Or sometimes a very stressful or intense moment creates a sudden energy which, in the right environment, can lead to an affair.

GHOST TITS

http://cheezburger.com/6639833856

Celebrity sperm, Hawkeye Helpdesk and see what happens if you type in "how can u" into Google

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Weasel words

FOLLOW ME

Now follow me everyone, I shall take you down to a place of mystery and amazing information about.......CARROTS

yes come with me to magical work of the carrot muesum 

http://www.carrotmuseum.co.uk/history.html

Summarised Timeline of Cultivated Carrot (documentary evidence)
Time Period	Location	Colour
Pre-900s	Afghanistan and vicinity	Purple and yellow
900s	Iran and northern Arabia	Purple, Red and yellow
1000s	Syria and North Africa	Purple, Red and yellow
1100s	Spain	Purple and yellow
1200s	Italy and China	Purple and red
1300s	France, Germany, The Netherlands	Red, Yellow & White
1400s	England	Red & white
1500's	Northern Europe	Orange, Yellow & Red
1600s	Japan	Purple and yellow
1600s	North America	Orange and white
1700s	Japan	Orange and Red
Sources - Rubatzsky and Banga. Also Carrot Museum's Curator research material Reference material is here.Notes: Red was often confused with purple.  Orange carrots may have been around well before 1100 - see here. The above listing is a "best guess" as there is much conflicting evidence. Carrots were also probably White throughout these periods, often confused with Parsnips (also white). There was (and still is!) enormous confusion when trying to sort out the individual histories of carrots and parsnips. The Latin name for the parsnip genus is thought to come from, meaning "food". This would further explain the historical confusion of the two vegetables, as well as offer a testament to how important they both were in the ancient diet.

http://cheezburger.com/6631979520

The English Language In 24 Accents

This bloke does lots of accents, which are ok(ish) but what is quite amusing is his fake conversations seem to always involve fighting, argueing and insulting people, not to mention swearing his head off.

skip forward 40 seconds to get past him waffling on at the start

http://cheezburger.com/6592182528

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ging_Gang_Goolie

Ging Gang Goolie

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Ging Gang Goolie or Ging Gang Gooli is a gibberish scouting song, said to be 

written by Robert Baden-Powell during the 1st World Scout Jamboree.^[1][2] 

It is popular among the Boy Scouts and Girl Guides.

Origin

During the Second Boer War, Baden Powell listened to songs in African languages. The nonsense lyrics of "Ging Gang Goolie" might have been inspired by these songs.^[3] Baden-Powell is said to have written this song during the 1st World Scout Jamboree in 1920. The song used gibberish to ensure that children from different countries could sing the song irrespective of what their mother tongue is. The tune is based on an extract from Mozart's Symphony No.1, composed when he was eight years old.^{[citation needed]}

Dorothy Unterschutz, a Canadian Scout Leader from Edmonton, later invented a story as an explanation for the song's lyrics. The story "The Great Grey Ghost Elephant" was published in Scouts Canada's "The Leader" magazine in 1991 (June–July issue, Page 7).^[2] The story talks of a "Great Grey Ghost Elephant", who wanders in the African lands ever year, after the rains. The villagers believed that if it went round their village, the village would have a prosperous year, and if it went through it, there would be drought. The elephant had been going through the village of Wat-Cha for the past three years, and therefore the villagers decided to come up with a plan to deter it from entering their village. It was decided that the village leader Ging-Gang and his men would frighten the elephant by standing in its path and shaking their shields and spears. The medicine man Shayla and his men would cast magic spells, and frighten the elephant by producing the "Shally wally" sound by shaking their magical equipment. When the elephant arrived, the villagers gathered started shouting the names of their leaders. They were successful in their plan, and the elephant went around the village, making he sound "Oompah, oompah". The villagers celebrated by singing the song "Ging Gang…".^[2]

Lyrics

The lyrics of the song are as follows:^[1][3]

Oompah, oompah, oompah, oompah.

Ging gang goolie goolie goolie goolie watcha,

Ging gang goo, ging gang goo.

Ging gang goolie goolie goolie goolie watcha,

Ging gang goo, ging gang goo.

Hayla, oh hayla shayla, oh hayla shayla, shayla, oh-ho,

Hayla, oh hayla shayla, oh hayla shayla, shayla, oh.

Shally wally, shally wally, shally wally, shally wally

Oompah, oompah, oompah, oompah

http://cheezburger.com/6613449472

LOCAL NEWS

Saucepan fire in Timperley

http://www.messengernewspapers.co.uk/news/whereyoulive/timperleynews/9960209.Saucepan_fire_in_Timperley/?ref=mr

10:11am Tuesday 2nd October 2012 in Timperley News

TWO fire crews attended a flat in Timperley after a saucepan caught fire yesterday.

When the crews from Altrincham and Wythenshawe arrived at the Deansgate Lane flat around 12.10pm the fire had already been put out by the owner.

The damage was limited to the food in the saucepan, which had been left unattended on an electric hob.

Stricley com

http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/8115860/Mediawatch
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'Banning mankinis and fake penises from the Cornish coast has helped significantly reduce anti-social behaviour and crime, police have announced. The force's zero-tolerance approach to the buttock-baring garment, prosthetic genitalia and other "inappropriate clothing" has apparently helped Cornwall shed its reputation as a haven for drunken revellers and stag parties. Police have seized the thong-like bathing costumes popularised by comedian Sacha Baron Cohen's spoof documentary character Borat, or sent offenders home when they've had nothing to change into.

'Devon and Cornwall Police Superintendent Julie Whitmarsh said: "We have had this consistency of seizing inappropriate items of clothing, sending people home to get changed, and that has worked, it has made a real difference, this 'no-nonsense attitude'. Mankini is what we term 'offensive clothing', so we won't accept people wearing them. They are just hideous. Is it just me, but if you were living in Bath for example, or Bournemouth, is that something you would wear to walk into town on a Saturday afternoon? No. They are just revolting, there is nothing pleasant about seeing anybody in a mankini. We have had a real crackdown on the fake penises"' - Huffington Post.

WOW - CHECK OUT THE ROOMS IN THIS HOUSE, THEY ARE PROBABLY MOVING TO A BIGGER HOUSE TO PUT MORE STUFF IN

http://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-23787150.html

Star wars tinkling on the piano

ANIMATED DISCUSSION OF AMERICAN BANKING CRISES
http://www.businessinsider.com/bernanke-vs-woodford-in-gif-form-2012-9?op=1

It won't make it any clearer but it will make you laugh

WEASEL WORDS
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Avoid_weasel_words#Unsupported_attributions

Unsupported attributions

Shortcut: WP:WEASEL

... some people say, many scholars state, it is believed, many are of the opinion, most feel, experts declare, it is often reported, it is widely thought, research has shown, science says ...

"Weasel words" are statements which appear to assert something but subtly imply something different, opposite or stronger in the way they are made. A common form of weasel wording is through vague attribution, where a statement is dressed with authority with no substantial basis. Phrases such as those above present the appearance of support for statements but can deny the reader the opportunity to assess the source of the viewpoint. They may disguise a biased view. Claims about what people say, think, feel, or believe, and what has been shown, demonstrated, or proved should be clearly attributed.^[5] However, views which are properly attributed to a reliable source may use similar expressions if they accurately represent the opinions of the source. Reliable sources may analyze and interpret, but we, as editors, cannot do so ourselves, since that would be original research or would violate the neutral point of view. Equally, editorial irony and damning with faint praise have no place in Wikipedia articles.

The examples given above are not automatically weasel words, as they may also be used in the lead section of an article or in a topic sentence of a paragraph, where the article body or the rest of the paragraph supplies attribution.

Articles including weasel words should ideally be rewritten such that they are supported by reliable sources, or they may be tagged with the {{Weasel}} template so to identify the problem to future readers (who may elect to fix the issue).

BAD CHILDRENS BOOKS

http://www.bobstaake.com/badchildrensbooks/

The Sexiest, Coolest, Most EPIC Bus Commercial Ever#

TIGER WOODS kryptonite is onion

this is a clip from the live commentry

The scoreboard is awash with European blue and I think someone must have brought a few cloves of garlic onto the course because Tiger Woods is a tad off colour to put it mildly. The former world number one - who is allergic to the pungent onion and missed two tournaments in 2003 when his ex-wife Elin Nordegren made pasta containing garlic - has lost seven Ryder Cup foursomes so far and if he continues with such wayward driving he might be heading for an eighth loss.

http://cheezburger.com/6598480640

Guitarist plants face into his Marshall

http://www.popbitch.com/home/2012/09/27/collins-radcliffe-collins/

Bat Out Of Hell still sells about 200,000
copies a year.

>> Made up <<
        Points make prizes

    Alec Guinness famously negotiated that
    he'd get 2% of Star Wars' profits.
    It would have been clever of anyone
    starring in the Inbetweeners movie
    to have taken a leaf out of Obi-Wan's
    book as, although shot with a tiny budget,
    it had a huge gross. Sadly none of the
    actors insisted on points. But the
    woman who did make-up did. Nice work!

------------------------------------------------
Louis Walsh insisted that he not get stuck
with the 'codgers' this year.
------------------------------------------------

Old Jokes Home:
Q: What's the difference between
Stevie Wonder and Jeremy Forrest?
A: Jeremy Forrest only has one
fucked pupil.

A website dedicated to phil collins and erotica, I wonder what I would call such a place

http://www.philrotica.com/

philrotica

sexy tales of the former genesis drummer

Chapter 1

Posted on September 18, 2012 by philrotica

Alison sighed and pushed a strand of her chestnut hair behind her shell-like ear. The summer job she had taken in Europe was far from being the glamorous, champagne-soaked three months of decadence she had imagined.

Following an administrative error at the job agency, her application to work as an au pair in Paris had been lost, and she had been placed as a maid in a huge, draughty mansion overlooking Lake Geneva. The owner of the place was nowhere to be seen. And now she stood, in a cobweb-strewn basement, contemplating the 30 fax machines she’d been instructed to dust.

” I did not sign up for this,” she said out loud, in her fluty Georgia twang.

However, glancing in the full-length mirror that hung on the wall, she could not help but notice how flatteringly the skimpy French maid outfit clung to her. It accentuated her pretty, pert bust and ripe, curvaceous buttocks, showing enough skin to hold the gaze.

Girding her feather duster, she leaned forward and smoothed a layer of dust off the nearest fax. It looked like it hadn’t been touched since 1986. As she smoothed the machine’s glossy surface a second time, it sprang into life. A set of LED lights began winking furiously, and the paper tray jabbered and hissed, spurting ancient sheets of A4 onto the floor.

“Shit! Shit!” she hissed, scrabbling to stem the urgent, white flow of paper.

‘Perhaps I can help?’ came a voice from behind her. A strong, masculine hand, with hairy knuckles and the telltale callouses of a drummer, reached past her and flicked a switch with practiced ease. Instantly, the machine was silenced.

‘Oh thank you! I was -’ Alison trailed off as her eyes met those of her rescuer.  She gasped and blinked. But there was no mistaking him. From his steely yet kindly eyes, to the pair of box fresh  Converse on his feet: from the shiny bald head to the rough, soulful London accent. She was standing before the former Genesis drummer, and successful solo star, Phil Collins. All five foot three of him.

And he looked good.

‘This was the very fax I used to divorce my wife back in 1986,’ said Phil Collins with a chuckle, running a finger lovingly over the grey plastic. ‘Temperamental old beast. But then, so was she.’

Alison was  still mute with disbelief. How? how could this be happening? How could she be standing before the man who had provided her with so much? Not just a soundtrack to her formative years, but also a fantasy figure, to whose image she’d first awakened her latent, girlish sexuality? It had, she thought, to be fate.

‘You must be Alison,’ continued the former Genesis sticksman, a hint of amusement in his eyes. ‘they didn’t tell me you were a looker.’

‘I – I – ‘ – Alison was still speechless, and could only dumbly shake the hand that was offered to her.

Something told her this was going to be quite a summer, after all.

http://cheezburger.com/6581706240

CRAZY PING PONG

FOOTBALL 365 - MEDIAWATCH MAGIC
Non-Football Story Of The Day
http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/8129900/Mediawatch
'British men typically have bigger penises than their French counterparts but are less well endowed than Germans, a new study has suggested. The average penis size for a British man is apparently 5.5in when erect - larger than the French at 5.3in, Australians (5.2in), Americans (5.1in) and Irish (5in). Men from Africa's Republic of Congo are best equipped with an average penis length of 7.1in, while the average manhood in North and South Korea measures in at a mere 3.8in, the research claims. However doubts about the study by Dr Richard Lynn, emeritus professor of psychology at Ulster University, have been raised after some of the data was taken from websites.' - Huffington Post.

http://cheezburger.com/6610280448

Mind-reading wearable kitty tail wags when you’re happy

http://io9.com/5945649/mind+reading-wearable-kitty-tail-wags-when-youre-happy 

Lauren Davis

Neuro Wear's Necomini ears, which read your brainwaves and display your emotions, ruled San Diego Comic-Con this year, with huge crowds of people donning the $100 gizmos. Now the company is moving from heads to tails, with a matching kitten tail that knows when to wag.

Once Neuro Wear brought its ears on to the market, it was only a matter of time before it developed a tail. However, the tail also introduces a social media component. If it's not enough that you can broadcast your location at all points in time to your myriad social media outlets, you can also broadcast your mood, as recorded by the tail, dubbed "Shippo."

Personally, I'm not up for an accessory that invites folks to stare at my bum, but the promo video is actually rather cute, and I could see why someone might want to add a wagging tail to their wardrobe.

Shippo is just a prototype at this point, and not for sale on the Neuro Wear website just yet.

A GREAT EXAMPLE OF LAZY, STUPID JOURNALISM, LIKE THIS BLOG BUT WORSE

Lucy Mangan: the honeymoon is outdated and over-rated

My sister is in Canada for three weeks on honeymoon. It started off well enough. Her first email said, "We're here! Have been upgraded to penthouse suite with private concierge and champagne every day! GEORGE CLOONEY stayed here last year!"

"Lick everything," I advised. "By the way, have you opened Auntie Eileen's present yet?" (Eileen's presents are legendary. She once gave our mother a used lipstick for Christmas. Seeing my mother's questioning look, she explained, "I think it's for thinner lips than mine." And still Estée Lauder's marketing department hasn't called.)

"Yes," my sister wrote back. "It is three gross of Uncle Al's underpants for dusters. Gross being the operative word. Don't care – off to stay in a log cabin by Emerald Lake now! Whoop!"

"That's nice," I replied. "I got up this morning delighted because I'd remembered where I put the Ikea sock-chandelier thing for the washing line, opened the cupboard and found nothing there. I'd dreamed it. I'm off to open a vein."

It was at the log cabin in Banff that things took a turn for the worse. There was no television. "What are we supposed to do??!" she wailed.

"I think you're supposed to have sex," I said. "Though possibly not with three gross of Uncle Al's underpants staring at you."

"We didn't bring them with us, you tit. And we had sex in Vancouver. I don't want to do it again. I want to watch television."

"Can't you use your iPad? For television, I mean. Though if there's an app for sex, please let me know."

A few days later I got a text message from Toronto. "3 wks is long time. Ready 2 come home now. Or kill & bury husband in Jasper National Park."

It occurred to me then that the honeymoon is yet another aspect ofmarriage that has outlived its usefulness. It was, of course, a semi-sacred time in which newlyweds who had barely touched during courtship could at last explore the secret splendours of each others' flesh, thrilling with excitement at every new and intimate discovery, and laying the foundations for a lifetime of daily companionship and nightly exploration upon the infinite seas of the erotic. (Although since I watched a BBC documentary about marriage in ye olden days, I always have ringing at the back of my mind the imperious tones of one redoubtable 96-year-old who, remembering her own wedding night, exclaimed, "I didn't know they dug that frightful thing into one! Appalling!" She should have had her own series.)

Still, whatever magic there was tends to have been dissipated in the months and years of cohabitation that customarily precede The Big Day (and Night). We need a different kind of honeymoon – two or three weeks of enforced separation, so you can see if you miss your new spouse or find yourself running naked through a new city shouting, "I'm free, I'm free!" and work out from there whether you want to reunite at home or at the annulment desk in the leisure centre, or wherever it's located these days.

My sister's into the final holiday strait now and all seems well again, so I think they'll both come home.

Our nonagenarian heroine, by the way, got divorced and remarried. "Much better! I began to see what all the fuss was about." Attagirl.

FILTHY PIGS

who can be bothered to eat five plates! on a monthly basis!

I do like the fact it really annoyed the owner, who groaned when they entered the restaurant.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-sussex-19817457

Brighton all-you-can eat restaurant bans two 'greedy' diners

Mr Dalmon says he was called "disgusting" for eating five bowls of stir-fry food

Continue reading the main story

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Two men barred from an all-you-can-eat Mongolian restaurant in Brighton say it was because they ate too much food.

George Dalmon and Andy Miles, both 26, have visited Gobi, in Middle Street, twice a month for two years to take advantage of the £12 deal.

But when they each ate five bowls from the buffet at their last visit, Mr Dalmon said they were called "filthy pigs" and barred by the "rude" manager.

The restaurant's owners said they were fed up with their lack of manners.

They accused the pair of pushing out other diners in their rush to get to the food.

'Sharks before feeding'

But former rugby player Mr Dalmon said: "As we were eating the last bowl, the owner came up and said never to come back again, we're disgusting, and we're eating him out of business, so we're nothing but filthy pigs.

"So, I was quite shocked about this and I asked him if he was joking and he replied 'no, I'm definitely not, I've had it with you two, that's it'.

Mr Westgate says there is no need to rush as people can eat for £12 over five-and-a-half hours

"Obviously we've paid the £12 for the buffet and it says you can have as much as you like, but apparently five bowls was over the top as far as he was concerned."

The owner who barred them is currently on holiday, but has admitted calling them pigs.

Co-owner Peter Westgate said: "Like when the shark shuts its eyes before it feeds, they're like that. They just get to the buffet and whatever happens they just pile it in.

"They muck the buffet up for everyone, they push and shuffle people from the barbecue area and it's pretty sad really, because you can eat all you like over five-and-a-half hours - it's not an issue, you don't need to rush."

Gobi's website invites customers to select meats, seafood and vegetables from the buffet, add herbs and spices, then take it to the grill to be cooked - repeating the process "as many times as you wish".

http://cheezburger.com/6610282752

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-south-west-wales-19906942

Toddler served whisky at Frankie and Benny's restaurant

Sonny Rees drinking the whisky at the restaurant

A restaurant has apologised after a toddler was served whisky instead of fruit juice at his birthday party.

Sonny Rees drank the 40% proof whisky at his second birthday in a Frankie and Benny's restaurant in Swansea.

His mother Nina Rees only realised the mistake after he had nearly finished the drink.

Sonny, from Pontarddulais in Swansea, was taken to accident and emergency where he was kept under observation by doctors.

The toddler is now recovering at home. The restaurant is investigating how the incident happened.

Sonny's mother Nina took the toddler to A&E

Sonny's mother Nina Rees, 34, said: "We went to the restaurant just after midday and I had ordered him lime juice and water, his favourite.

"The drinks arrived and I was encouraging him to take sips because he was eating salty things.

"We had finished our first course when we noticed he was pulling a face as he was drinking.

"I took it from him and took a sip myself.

"It was whisky, I would say a double. As soon as I sipped it I had the slight burny feeling in my throat and warming in my chest.

"Sonny had taken about 10 sips - he was obviously intoxicated.

"I immediately went into a panic and a rage - I was crying my eyes out."

Mrs Rees, who is a teacher, complained to the manager who took a sip herself.

Mrs Rees was disappointed by the staff's reaction and called NHS Direct before taking Sonny to accident and emergency.

Frankie and Benny's restaurant in Swansea

Sonny was asleep by the time he arrived at Morriston Hospital, Swansea, where staff monitored his vital signs.

He was later given the all-clear and allowed to go home.

The family took photographs of Sonny with his drink before they realised it was whisky.

A Frankie and Benny's spokesman said: "The company is incredibly sorry for what happened. It was a human error and we are putting measures in place to ensure it never happens again."

http://cheezburger.com/6628143360

http://cheezburger.com/6613453312

http://www.wftv.com/news/news/local/deputies-mom-arrested-after-2-year-old-found-crawl/nSZbs/

Mom arrested after 2-year-old found crawling on roof

VOLUSIA COUNTY, Fla. —

The Department of Children and Families said it's investigating a Volusia Countymother whose 2-year-old daughter was found crawling on the roofof a home.

Erica Hess posted bail and was released from jail Thursday morning. She was arrested on child neglect charges.

Investigators said she was inside a home on Van Kleeck Drive in New Smyrna Beach Tuesday when her toddler climbed from a deck onto the roof.

A concerned neighbor called 911.

Authorities have not released information on who is taking care of the child.